The Dark side of Mental Illness - Abandoning those who need us to keep ourselves clean

Many people have seen the video of Sinead O'Connor in the past week. This raw and even heartbreaking expose of her motions and of her situation brings to light mental illness.

More importantly, it brings to light the way we look at mental illness. Specifically, the way we attempt to distance ourselves from it.

Mental illness is hard. It is hard to live with. It is hard to have. It is hard to watch.

In many ways, it is just as hard to deal with somebody in your life who has mental illness as it is to be someone who has mental illness. The difference is, one of those people gets a choice.

Many times it is easier to push people away rather than deal with the issues that they themselves suffer from. We decide that somebody is not worth the extra time and energy that we would need to invest in them.

The major problem here is that what seems like self care from the person who can push somebody else away, is also abandoning a person who is suffering from mental illness. It is a fine line to walk. And it is a hard decision to make.

When you know someone with mental illness, you need to determine if you are self care of pushing them away and of neglecting their care is more important than the help and support that they need from you. Each person in their lives has to make this choice. But the person with mental illness, they have to live with those choices.

Helping someone with mental illness is part of Shadow work. And Shadow work is difficult. The problem is when people decide that the shadow work is too difficult, and they wash their hands of it.

Well that may be a valid choice for some, it is not a valid choice for all. And we each need to take responsibility for making that choice when we are in that situation. We need to acknowledge what we are doing when we choose ourselves over someone with mental illness.

Shadow work is never done by washing one's hands of an issue. It is done by facing those issues that most people wash their hands of.

Energy of the Eclipse

I'm a practical sort, but I do feel energy and communicate with spirits. Yeah, I know, this puts me in an odd place where I'm both believer and skeptic. Oh, well.

Today's eclipse was a rather unique opportunity for me. Because of where I live, I didn't need to travel to see the totality. Score! My daughter's school provided eclipse glasses for any parents who wanted to show up to watch with the kids. Double score!

So the hubby and I went off to the school and got our glasses and watched the eclipse from a spot a little off from everyone else. Just how the introvert in me likes it.

The first thing I noticed was that my stomach was all a-flutter. I was happy to see the eclipse, but it wasn't really an excitement thing. Why would I be reacting this way? I finally realized what it was and I turned to hubby. "It feels like the energy before a big storm." He agreed.

There was some cloud cover where we were, which was a bit disappointing. We saw only bits and pieces of the moon moving over the sun. Still the energy was weird, restless, like something coming, like a struggle.

When the time came, the school's principal announced to the kids "glasses off!" By that time, it had gotten dark, cold and windy. Crickets were singing and street lights came on.

And the clouds broke.

Even before I looked up to see the light-limned blot in the sky, I could feel the change in the energy. It was harsh, powerful, indomitable. I stared up at the sun, the symbol of the Seelie, Fae Court of Summer, and I watched the Winter Court parade across it.

The Wild Hunt, restrained for this show to all mankind, strode across the land in the shadow of the moon over the sun. Mab and her retinue looked down upon us as if to say "This is my power. This is a reminder."

Then, too quickly, it was over. The sun peeked out again, with a show of rainbows on the clouds. The temperature raised several degrees, and a full expression of Summer brightened the day.

I took a deep breath and, as the kids trailed teachers back into the school, we left. My stomach roiled and my legs were rubbery, just like when I do big energy work. We spent half an hour grounding before we got back to a semblance of normal.

I didn't do any spell-work. Having never experienced a total solar eclipse before, I can't imagine how I ever could have been prepared for the energy of it. It was like expecting a breeze and getting a hurricane.

My Response to "Violence is not the Answer" in Protests, Pt 2

This is continued from another post... HERE.

Why should we not take the high road when protesting hate?

Simple answer: Because we have the high road as an option.

Not so simple answer:

The high road is still available to people who don't agree with the VBH (Very Bad Haters) who oppress and suppress entire populations of people for a multitude of reasons, primarily (but by no means exclusively) the sins of being born with A) genetics that are less European than they find acceptable, B) a sexuality and/or orientation that is not cis-het, C) not a penis.

We can still fight it. We can still do this. We aren't in the midst of an actual military war, which is where we (the whole damn world) ended up when we (the US) ignored Germany's VBH takeover of Europe for YEARS. Let's not repeat that SNAFU.

Code what?

Most organizations that have a code system (green, yellow, orange, red) have stuff that they do BEFORE it gets to code red. The goal is to NOT get to code red. But here we are talking about things like they are code mellow-yellow, when oppressed minorities are telling privileged folk it's more like code burnt umber. If you don't think violence belongs in protests, you are probably not one of these groups being murdered or tortured on a daily basis. Just saying.

Silencing Voices

This means that by not acknowledging how very bad and even desperate it is (because we may not be experiencing it ourselves - privilege defined), we are actually SILENCING the voices of those who most need us to hear them.

At war

Additionally, outside of the whole military conflict aspects, this is a war. A social war. It is a fight for rights, and people are DYING. Literally dying. (Let me google that for you - ran out of words to link.)

This is a war, and wars produce veterans. And veterans carry scars, both physical and psychological.

Why do we thank veterans for their service? Because they suffered brutalities of battle on behalf of those who couldn't, those who wouldn't, and those who came later.

The truth about heroism (hint: it's shadow work)

We want to believe that because our cause is just, we can accomplish our goals with no collateral damage, no injury to innocents or innocence, no lasting scars because we are on the side of right.

THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

This isn't an epic fantasy with a hero would comes out unscathed. We will be damaged. And we will be heroes, not because of adherence to some stupid code of honor that has us facing the same crap villains time and time again (looking at you, Batman). We will be heroes in a way that cannot be ackowledged, because it is too damn dark and depressing.

We must fight this fight with fists because it WILL damage our souls. We must fight this fight because by doing so, we step up and take the bullet that would spread and damage other generations. We step up when we don't have to and take SOUL DAMAGE so as to give those already oppressed a little respite.

This isn't white light and unicorns, people. This is the fact that the ones who fight the good fight usually don't make it out okay - be it physically, psychologically or spiritually. We are injured in the fight, and it's worth that injury to still fight.

That's why it's hard. That's why it's heroic. That's why it's shadow work.

My Response to "Violence is not the Answer" in Protests, Pt 1

There are finite ways to make a protest effective, particularly in situations where one side has significantly more systemic power (read: white, able-bodied, male, cis-het, rich, Protestant, etc.). If you are going to protest against a powerful group, you have to make it painful to them.

Luther, being the first Protestant, specifically...
Lutheren

I have to point out that BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES IN POWER, most of what you can do to make it painful is illegal. This is not a coincidence. This is how systemic power works.

I also want to point out that the religious power group in the US is the Protestants, who got their name literally from the fact that they PROTESTED the Catholic Church's systemic power. Thus the circle is complete.

The truth about peaceful protest

IF the power group has a conscience, cares about its reputation, etc, you can attack them through shame. This was how Gandhi did it. But before you start nodding your head about how Gandhi had it right, let's go through the WHOLE process.

Gandhi: *smiles*
Churchill: Ah, bloody hell...

See, Gandhi counted on British shame, which is pretty reliable. His entire protest method was based on PR. The non-violence part was the most important, but not because of any aversion to violence. It was so, when you were beaten and probably killed, it couldn't look like you deserved it.

Let me repeat that, you laid there and let them KILL YOU so they couldn't argue accidental death in self-defense. Then, because Brits (love ya!) are very proper and mannered (in general), they would be ashamed of this.

I'm gonna just sit here a minute while you try to apply that same situation to neo-nazi broflakes. Take your time; I'll wait...

...

...

Active protests, outlined

Another way to protest and make it painful is to actually hurt someone. I don't usually recommend this, but...

I'm lying. I always recommend punching nazis. There are dozens of other ways to make it physically painful to the people in power: 

• Damage their business/financial holdings - This one is tricky. Vandalism and looting can hurt people other than the business owners. Mostly employees, customers, etc., and they are likely innocent. If destroying stuff isn't your thing, you could instead mark the business as a financial resource for a Very Bad Hater (VBH). Kinda like in Inglourious Basterds, when they carved a swastika on the foreheads of nazis who defected to save their own skins. Let their choices have consequences by helping people know their icky secrets.

  

  As the synagogue in Oberramstadt burns during
  Kristallnacht (the "Night of Broken Glass"),
  firefighters instead save a nearby house.

• Damage their ability to be gainfully employed - talk about turnabout. Most people can't fight the crap situations they are in because they are working on surviving in a world that doesn't prioritize hiring them over the power-holders. By making it difficult for the power-holders to get/keep a job, they are put into the same position. (See Charlottesville neo-nazis for how this works.) This is another way for there to be consequences to VBHs.

• Shame them for speaking their beliefs - again tricky. Some say that this is how we get the ideas festering in secret. But the problem is, if we let up on the shame, anyone who held these beliefs in secret slowly grows to believe that it is their right to ACT on the beliefs that they just whispered online before. This one works best in conjunction with other methods. It is also important for preventing or at least minimizing the spread of these beliefs and creating more VBHs. Many people become VBHs because they are looking for a solution and someone tells them about this thing instead of kicking their asses and telling the broflakes to grow up. Make it harder for people to find the whiny, buck-passing solutions for their problems.

• Physically hurt them, just not TOO badly - this is where punching nazis comes into play. Most people are gonna be just fine after being punched. It doesn't often lead to permanent physical injury. But, as physically abused wives everywhere know (yeah, I just went there), you stop talking if you get hit every time you open your mouth. Make them rethink espousing their VBH beliefs to impressionable young people (see reasoning above).

I'm going to continue this in another post... HERE.

It's Okay to Not be Okay

An issue has come up several times in the past few weeks. Someone who is undergoing a severely stressful situation, ends up apologizing or otherwise feeling guilty for breaking down.

I'm here to tell you, it is okay to not be okay.

Sometimes your life takes a turn that is just plain shit. When that happens, it is completely all right to mourn it, to hate it, to break down, and to not be as strong as you think you need to be.

Strength is not a hundred percent all the time. Sometimes strength needs to be recovered. Sometimes strength needs to be washed in tears. Sometimes it's just not right to have to be strong in the face of a shitty situation.

You are not a lesser person for doing this. You are not weak. You are not fragile. You are not wrong.

People need to learn that it is okay to cry. It is okay to be upset. It is okay to be angry and sad. It is okay to break down.

Those emotions, those reactions, are perfectly valid. Even if they are not the endpoint, even if they are not permanent. We can have temporary emotions. And sometimes, those emotions can be negative. They can be more negative than we want them to be. That does not define us.

In the words of Moana: This does not define you; you know who you are, who you truly are.