What You Do: Orlog vs Prosecution

Once again, a woman is in the news for making an accusation against a man.

I say "in the news," but I mean "dragged through the mud." Statistics are difficult to get - how do you prove the consent of someone other than by self-reporting? - but generally fall between 2-10% unfounded. This is VERY low for false reporting of a crime, and isn't even restricted to intentional false reporting. "Unfounded" is a pretty vague definition that could mean anything from "not a legal rape" to "not enough evidence to pursue" to "the victim is not sure anything even actually happened."

So we are, again, having the discussion of how many women it takes to screw in a light bulb. The answer is, of course, dependent on whether the man's reputation might be besmirched rather than how such an action may have harmed the woman or women.

Many protests on the man's side revolve around the same old crap of "why did she wait?" This from people who hide spending sprees, gambling addictions, and even affairs from their spouses. People who keep hush-hush about seeing a therapist, wrecking their car while drunk, or having a kid that got busted for joy-riding.

Gee, I dunno. Why aren't you facing up the nasty parts of your life? Answer: Because it's uncomfortable and makes us feel weak or out of control. Compound a woman's choice to make an accusation like this with the sheer numbers that show that even reporting doesn't get much done and is likely to ruin the victim's life even more than the perpetrator's.

But, that's all nitpicking, because the war cry has been sounded: Innocent until proven guilty!

And I sigh, pick myself up and ready the same old tired explanation that is used in all of these situations, as well as when someone gets fired for being racist and the war cry is "free speech."

THOU SHALT NOT CONFLATE LEGAL CONSEQUENCES AND SOCIAL CONSEQUENCES

Free speech and the mandate of innocent until proven guilty are both intended to prevent the government, government entities, and tyrants/supervillains puppet-mastering the government from using the collective power of the government (specifically the executive branch) to oppress dissenting voices or violate freedoms with tissue-paper claims of criminal activity.

Neither free speech nor innocent until proven guilty is applicable to one's public reputation or how the free and individual citizens and businesses choose to react to that reputation, ie, örlög.

Quite frankly, it is frustrating that "I know they did this thing" isn't always enough. In fact, there are entire plots based on the loopholes that it can create (anyone remember "Double Jeopardy" with Ashley Judd?). But it is good that the word of a single person and no evidence is not enough to put someone in prison (theoretically).

However, your public reputation is not dictated by the rules of the US Constitution. And, as I've had to explain to my hubby recently, you don't get to pick what your örlög is. Your behavior and OTHER PEOPLE'S INTERPRETATION OF THAT BEHAVIOR is your örlög, for better or worse, fair or not.

Fair is when people accused of crimes, often by dozens of victims, are put out of positions of power, influence, etc. Not is when the victims are blamed and dragged through the mud, and the perpetrators get to resume their fame-based lifestyles after a few months off. Looking at you CK and company.

And who ever said life was fair?

Secrets and Sorrows

Like most people, I have secrets, things I don't tell others, things about myself, my motives and madness. These are things that I don't talk about, but I'm lucky. I do a lot of introspection & self-analysis, perhaps more then most in Western society. I keep secrets from others, but not myself.

And now I'm sharing some of them here.

1. I'm often afraid that people don't like me. In fact, I'm more often convinced they don't then that they do like me.
2. I go through periods of time where I am deeply ashamed of things that make me "not mainstream."
3. I often wonder if I'm not just crazy when I do spell casting, energy work, or divination. 
4. I sometimes think I am a legitimately horrible person. This is especially when I've been hurt/betrayed, and especially ironic because people often tell me I'm one of the nicest, most honest people they've known.
   
5. I sometimes remember and fret over past transgressions - that I have done to others. It can be as simple as accidentally cutting someone off in traffic.
6. I have no idea what I'm doing sometimes, and most people can't tell the difference between those times and the times when I totally know what I'm doing. Occasionally, I use that to my advantage, such as it is.
7. I'm pretty sure I'm messing up my kids. I try, but I often feel like I'm just never going to be good at being a parent. And if you say I am a good parent, I immediately think of at least ten examples of why you are wrong, but you will never know about them.
8. I'm also pretty sure I suck at being a daughter and sister. I just can't go all in like my family seems to expect. I don't have enough for that. It makes me sad.
9. Sometimes I hate my life. I have things I regret not doing, including being the good Midwest Catholic girl I was supposed to be. I wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed with what's his name from the Christian group instead of dating the evil ex who tried to convince me he'd sold my soul to a demon.
10. I have had some weird things happen to me. I know I come across as a normal person with a normal background, but I've had psychologists in shock over some of the things that have happened to me.
11. I actually don't start much drama in my life. Instead, I seem to be a kind of energetic catalyst. Once I show up, things start to change. I swear, I was just sitting there playing solitaire.
12. I've never practiced my energy work. I've never "worked up" to a skill in energy work. I decide to try things and, most of the time, I just manage to do them. I usually tweak some things to fine-tune the process, then I move on. So, no, I don't know how to show you how to do that.
    
13. I feel sad sometimes, about what people are doing to each other. Not anyone specific, necessarily. Just in general. It feels like disappointment, like being let down. It started when I was in high school.
14. I once was a cutter. I was also thought to be bipolar. Most people thought I would end up self-medicating when I was in my very early 20s.
15. I don't like pot or alcohol. I have enough trouble keeping my head on straight, and those substances knock me askew. However, I don't judge people who do enjoy it.
16. My greatest desire is to have someone else be in charge. Unfortunately, I am often put in charge because I am really quite good at it. But I hate it. But I also have a strong sense of responsibility. I hate that, too.
17. I feel really self-conscious about how people might read this post. Will I be seen as egotistical? Narcissistic? Whiny? I don't know. I should go hyperventilate now.

Feel free to share your secrets in the comments, or message me. No judgment, I promise. Pinky swear.

The Nine Noble Virtues: a Modern Take - Self-Reliance

The Nine Noble Virtues are a modern invention, so it seems my title is redundant. However, little seems to have been done to bring the concepts themselves from the past into the present.

I do not consider the NNV to be a historical reference. I do consider them to be a modern way of understanding cultural and even subconscious values that were stressed, if not perfectly, by those peoples lumped together as Norsemen.

This series will explore my thoughts on these values and, hopefully, start conversations about them in a modern context.

Self-reliance may be one of the most misunderstood concepts, in my oh-so humble opinion. We look at it from the highly individualist perspective of western culture, rather than the tribal lifestyle that the Norse peoples lived.

This means that we like to take the Libertarian road, where we would all do just fine so long as we were left to our own devices. But that's not how humanity has ever survived. We are horrible at being on our own.

Did you know that the top two factors in surviving in the wilderness are 1) being able to create fire, and 2) having someone with you? Even one other person can be the difference between life and death. So why would we need self-reliance?

Because self-reliance doesn't mean going through life alone. It has more to do with not being what is often referred to as a "sheeple." (Read Ralph Waldo Emerson for more.)

That's right. This isn't about growing your own food and building your own homes. Barn-raisings were a thing, and for good reason. That's a lot of work, and many hands make it better.

But if you don't think for yourself - understanding the group's mindset, but still looking at it critically - you are just a mindless body for the society. Mindless bodies don't make history. Mindless bodies don't make a society grow. Mindless bodies don't call out injustices and point out logic holes.

Thinking for yourself, being able to use your mind as an individual, makes you an invaluable part of any group. It doesn't replace the group, and the group doesn't replace it. Society isn't a machine, needing virtually identical cogs to function. It is a living, growing - dare I say enlightening - structure that should be promoting growth from all of its members.

Growth doesn't come from conformity. It comes from being slightly different. Small mutations in genes lead to new species. Small mutations in thought lead to new ideas, inventions, better ways of living... and, of course, STORIES!

Because stories feed us in ways that cannot be explained by biology. Stories feed our souls, and new stories are not created from static thinking.

So be self-reliant, not in some crazy, build-your-own-roads kind of way (unless that's what you really want...). Be self-reliant in that you consider ideas in your own way, you look at messages from the media and political propaganda with a critical eye. Those things that you've been fed by social conditioning? Think about them again, and be your own self in your beliefs.

The Self-Satisfaction of Social Failure

Nothing feels quite as good as doing good. And we love to see the stories of good-doing on social media. But these feel-good stories have a darker side to them.

Cop with Cancer Refuses to Stop Working; Dozens Donate their Sick Days
Radio Station Buys and Forgives Medical Debt
Cop Buys Interview Outfit Shoplifter Tried to Steal
Cop Buys Groceries for Hungry Shoplifter

People raising money for a family who lost their home. People raising money to help someone with medical bills. People doing good things for people... who should never be in need in the first place.

There is something to be said for going out of your way to help people. But there is more to be said for a society that allows so many to be in distress in the first place, particularly when it is stuff that isn't really their fault.

If someone's house burns down due to a forest fire, if a person gets cancer or heart disease, this does not mean they somehow deserve their situation. We are really good at looking at this people as somehow causing their own problems when it comes to making policy and creating social structures, but they are unfortunate victims when we can participate in saving them.

And that's the problem. We have created a society where it is encouraged to be charitable, but shameful to need charity. We have created a situation where our system makes victims for us to help and save. Just hope you don't end up as one of them, which is far more about luck than effort.

I have spoken before about Hospitality from a Heathen perspective, and I feel that it is as much a value to our social interactions to give others the opportunity to be charitable as it is to be charitable.

First, we need to get past, as a society, this self-congratulating perception we have of "help" and "charity". While heroes are nice, wouldn't it be better to create a world with less need for heroes?

Lammas: Settling Down and Celebrating Self

This post is also available HERE.

Each Sabbat brings with it a special meaning as part of the wheel of the year. The journey through the seasons is not just a physical one, but also mental and spiritual.

As we approach each Sabbat, we can grow with the seasons when we know the lessons each one brings us. This series explores the Sabbats' spiritual meaning in the context of modern Pagans.

Lammas is the time of year when we stop pushing the gas pedal. We aren't really slowing down, but we stop the energetic acceleration that began in the spring.

We begin to look forward to the more relaxed and introspective schedule of the dark half of the year, but we know we have some loose ends to tie up first.

This first harvest of three is a good time to look at what is growing in your life, what has borne fruit, and what needs to be pruned or cut out to keep the rest of the harvest healthy. It is also the time to begin celebrating your successes and gains. You've worked hard to make a plan and carry it out.

When those first grains give you a taste of the benefit of your efforts, you need to celebrate for it. Celebrate yourself for your work. Celebrate the gods for their aide. And celebrate the world we live in for everything we manage to accomplish.

It is important for us to celebrate, and even congratulate ourselves for, our accomplishments. We sweep so much of our work and efforts under the rug because it is just doing what is expected. But that minimizes us as effective and active participants in our own lives, and minimizes the energy we expend to improve our lives and the world around us.

This Lammas, take the time to celebrate you and what you have done. You deserve it.

The Nine Noble Virtues: a Modern Take - Industriousness

The Nine Noble Virtues are a modern invention, so it seems my title is redundant. However, little seems to have been done to bring the concepts themselves from the past into the present.

I do not consider the NNV to be a historical reference. I do consider them to be a modern way of understanding cultural and even subconscious values that were stressed, if not perfectly, by those peoples lumped together as Norsemen.

This series will explore my thoughts on these values and, hopefully, start conversations about them in a modern context.

Industriousness is an interesting subject in the modern sense. We like to believe that, in most ways, we are more lazy and less productive than our forefathers had been, and that we should get back to the good ol' days of hard, honest work.

However, numbers do not lie. Thanks to the advantages of technology, we produce more than ever before with less physical effort.

And that seems to be the crux of it all. Less physical effort.

We used to have to move our bodies to do everything. We had simple machines to help with the task, but hand-sewing and machine sewing are two very different animals. There are even machines that knit for us!

The truth of the matter is, we didn't used to work all that hard, either. Historically, the Jewish literally didn't even cook on Saturdays, and the good Christians ate cold food on Sundays... after spending all day at church. Yeah, all day.

Have you ever read the poem about what day you do what chore? This was COMMON! For families with eight or nine kids! I have two kids and we have to run a load of laundry every day to keep up.

Why? Because we change our clothes every day. And bathe every day.

Historically, bathing was a once a week or once a month activity. You had maybe two or three outfits for everyday, and a good shirt or dress for your religion day.

Clothes were made sturdier, yes, but they also were worn every single day for a whole week, unless something majorly dirty or damaging happened to them. Women wore aprons because aprons are easier to wash and mend then dresses.

And fun was spending an entire day travelling a few miles away for a barn raising, potluck and dance. Three days spent just to socialize! And that kind of thing happened a lot.

The problem isn't that we are lazier. We just have more efficiency, but with the same idea of what it means to work hard. Industriousness needs a redefinition, and this is my suggestion for that.

Industriousness is doing what you can in the current social system with your resources. It is acknowledging that intellectual and managerial work is just as valid as physical work, and vice versa. In many ways, it also means understanding the ways that work and production and income have grown, sometimes in vastly different and opposite ways.

Industriousness is about making yourself a part of a successful local and larger economy, improving the lives of those who are dependent on you and interact with you, and instilling your values of a productive life on those who come after you.

This can mean a person who works two jobs to support their family, but it can also mean the spouse/partner who stays home to keep all the balls in the air on that end. It can be a blue-collar worker who sweats through their shift, or the HR manager who makes sure employees are paid and treated fairly. It can be the loyal worker of 40 years, or the protesters who urge governments and companies to respect that loyalty.

Industriousness has become more complex as our society and economy have grown, but the value of working for the betterment of your kith and kin has not.

The Error of Following Your Bliss; and Other Misleading Spiritual Tropes

If we choose the right career, we will make enough money. The evil cousin of that being "Do what you love; the money will follow." I've given that advice before, and now I can admit that it doesn't always work out that way.

There is a problem with the soundbite advice that stems from love'n'light spirituality. And I'm here to break it down for you.

It's Black & White

You either feel the love, or you don't. You release your anger, or you let it consume you. You follow your bliss, or you whither into a hopeless shell, a cog in some faceless corporate machine.

The thing is, life is in grayscale. You can feel loved one moment, and have moments of insecurity the next. You can be fulfilled in a job that isn't quite your ideal. You can allow yourself to feel anger about things that deserve your anger.

Life should be about the ups and the downs. Your feelings should not be static, they can pendulum over the happy medium, swinging to one side before returning to the calm center.

There is Privilege Involved

This mindset often suggests, or outright states, that your situation is your own making. This is not only harmful to those who have had traumatic experiences, and those who are born differently abled, it is also contradictory.

If I am fully in control of my life, and my actions harm another person, but they are creating their own situation by their mindset, who is responsible for the harm?

Obviously, if I am the one acting harmfully, I am, but the positive mindset culture frequently shames or simply implies that it is the victim's fault. The psychology of narcissism and psychopathy both show that compassionate, loving and forgiving people are often the targets of such behaviors.

Love is not a Panacea

Let's just give that one up now. If love where the solution, there would be much less abuse in the Pagan and Buddhist communities. Yet we struggle with abusers, too. The 70s had cults and communities based on love and trust... and stories of abuse have surfaced from several of those as well.

As nice and clean as that would be, we are supposed to honor nature, and...

Nature isn't really very Nice

Predators kill prey. Blood begets life. Some of the worst tragedies to descend upon humankind has been Nature, from floods and volcanoes to earthquakes, hurricanes, and even diseases.

If we want to honor Nature, we can't ignore that Nature's next earthquake isn't going to be loved into a gentle shake. Things happen that we cannot stop. Genetics mutate. Birth defects occur. And the people effected shouldn't be told that they "created their situation".

Back to Business

We may love to do a certain kind of job, but there are other factors that can interfere with that being a realistic life model.

First, just because we love to do it, doesn't always mean we have the skills. The passion? Probably. But passion is only a driving force.

Second, the part you love is only part of the whole thing. You may love gems, but that doesn't mean you know how to run a gem shop. The idea that you can follow your bliss to wealth doesn't hold up when you realize your passion doesn't extend to the bookkeeping portion of the program.

Third, the market probably isn't too concerned with what you, the individual, are passionate about. Ritual clothing for pets can seem like a good idea (yes, you can use that), but that doesn't mean that enough people want their puppy in circle with a merlin-esque beard to be able to pay your rent. Even in mainstream economics, studies show that the number one indicator of a successful business is... timing. That's right, the luck of having the right idea at the right time. And that's why most businesses fail.

Pictured, me with $2k

Fourth, your passions don't necessarily mean you have the resources you will need. I really wanted to start a retail business. To open a storefront, I discovered I would need, at minimum, $20k, just to get through the first year. Pro tip: if you are reselling other people's goods, you don't have built-in collateral to get a loan. Passion doesn't mean you'll be able to get the money or resources.

So We Shouldn't Follow our Passions?

I'm not saying that at all. Being passionate about what you are trying to do can keep you going when it gets hard. But it will not dissolve all the obstacles you may face. If you have a solid plan, the resources to get started, and a realistic idea of the work involved, do it!

The problem isn't relying on passion so much as relying ONLY on passion... and blaming a lack of positive thinking for failures. 90% of businesses fail in the first FIVE years. Positive thinking may not prevent that.

On the other hand, it may be what gets you back up on the horse to try again. And that is a good place for positive thinking.