Friday, July 1, 2011

A Baseball Bat to the Knees: Stomach Flu

Foot fetish + zombie athlete's foot = REALLY bad breath!
There is a zombie apocalypse going on. There is stumbling, moaning, pasty complexions, and a possible loss of body parts.

No, the Poncho Industry didn't accidentally release a deadly version of athlete's foot.When parents of small children get sick, no amount of special forces aide can help.

Each one of these is a hog-tied child...
Now, just to clarify, we are talking about a two-person job (raising two young kids from one day to the next) and not only tapping out one of the players, but hog-tying them and mounting them on the back of the player who is still standing (not for long!).

The person who passes the diapers to you while you pin down the kicking baby for the count of ten is, instead, curled up on the bathroom floor trying not to puke on the bath mat.

Even the absence of the gastrointestinally disturbed partner is better than having yet another body to herd to bed, bath and beyond (the activities, not the store). This is easily explained by the average weight of an adult vs. a child being in direct conflict with the ability of a person to wrestle two children while carrying that weight.

So what you end up with is zombie-parent stumbling around groaning like "Aaarrrnnn!" and not zombie-parent thinking that a gun is the only hope of survival.
Shoot the kids? Shoot the husband? I JUST DON'T KNOW!!

1 comment:

  1. Oi! Funny, but gross. Wish you the best of luck there.