A Grand Adventure: Children's publishing

I have a new blog dedicated specifically to Pagan children, Pagan parenting, and Pagan children's books.

I will cross-post a lot, but not everything, so follow both blogs to get your full KaliMa fix.

Check it out here!


Growing Paganism

A Question of Sustainability

Are we on an unsustainable path?

The short answer is, “Yes.” We cannot continue to do what we are doing throughout the world. Sadly, this seems to be most extreme where I live: the United States.

There are so many things that people do, particularly in the States, that contribute to this wrong path. This includes the extreme resistance people have here towards anything that smacks of socialism. Unfortunately, socialism is often about combined effort for greater good. The U.S. has acted poorly on the Monsanto issue, the Gulf oil spill and all that goes with it, the Keystone XL pipeline, and so much more.

Additionally, the U.S. missed the opportunity some 25 years ago to push forward the relatively new technologies for solar energy collection (I’m mostly referring to President Carter’s installation of solar panels on the White House, which I believe could have set the stage for a different governmental attitude towards energy, had Reagan not been elected).

The U.S. cemented it’s stance of denial with the Kyoto Protocol. This constant elevation of capitalism (making money) over the future of humanity on this planet has turned the U.S. into something that I believe will lead to the U.S. becoming irrelevant to the world stage as anything other than a military force (if we aren’t already). We are seeing the start of this irrelevance as other countries take steps that the U.S. should have taken a long time ago. As Germany takes a lead in environmental policy, as Amsterdam initiates a public bike sharing program in the 1960s, as India takes a stand against Monsanto's lies.

This leads me to the long answer, which is “Yes, but that isn’t something that we can’t change.” As the Turkish proverb goes “No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back.”

It is never too late. The point of no return is the destruction of the planet (in regards to human life). Anything else can be fixed, or at least mitigated. We can change, and we can change now. The only thing we need to decide is, how much worse will we make it before we make it better? And when will you (the individual) begin to participate?

Each one of us can do even a small part, because those small parts, those tiny changes are magnified by the sheer numbers of the human population. If the populations of industrialized nations alone work towards sustainable living, participating in creating and supporting renewable energy resources, recycling programs, and personal resource conservation, we would see a huge change worldwide. Each of us has the power. The power to choose:

• to use cloth bags for shopping
• to use non-chemical cleaners
• to foster native plant systems on our properties
• to grow a garden
• to bike when possible
• to protest and educate people on chemicals and GMO foods
• to support those politicians and activists who take up these causes
• to raise our children with this knowledge and the mindset that we can make the difference

Me to Z: I am a woman, and I don't hate or fear men.

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Spartan Family: Too Much Fun!

This looks uncannily familiar...
Like... Bug's room...

 We live in a small house. It is a 3 BR/1 bath on a large plot (about 3/4 acre). But it is a small house.

There are four of us in this small house. Each of us has a place to sleep and (more or less) a place for our stuff.

Stuff. (Insert sigh here.) Lots of stuff.


We have clothes, books, toys, appliances, work & craft stuff. We have a lot of stuff, and it all needs to go somewhere to avoid the Clutter Monster! (Insert dramatic music here.)

The Clutter Monster Under the Bed...
aka, dust bunnies and toys.

In an ideal world, I would be in a position, both locationally and financially, to hire an organizer. Organizers are those mythical, other-worldly creatures that LIKE to clean other people's houses. They get a thrill from neatly placing toys onto shelves and arranging knickknacks and bric-a-bracks. Weirdos.

See! He wants to eat my COOKIES!!

But I want one, even for a weekend. And she (or he) would do battle with the evil Clutter Monster and tame my household into a nice, neat living space... even for a week... or a day. She would be my super-hero for EVER.

Doing battle with the Clutter Monster
is not for the weak-of-heart.

The biggest problem in my house (and the houses of many a parent) is the grandparents.

No, they don't sneak into the house in the middle of the night and throw keggers, nor do they toss things about with wild abandon. In fact, my parents almost never step into the house these days (perhaps in fear of the Clutter Monster - I'm telling you, it's real!).

My parents instead sabotage my plans for clutter-free existence by... wait for it... BUYING my kids stuff. They love to love my kids as though they were little Madonnas singing "Material Girl" (or boy, as the case may be).

Show thine affection to the almighty child through purchasing power! Shower gifts of cheap plastic and/or sugar upon them at all times! Praise them with thy credit cards!

Ok, that may have been a little over-the-top. Maybe.

But, in a sense, it is very true. My parents show how much they love my kids through tokens of affection. And, particularly at their current ages, price is no matter. Cheap stuff works as well as anything else.

But Kalisara, you say, how does one combat this great evil?
That's easy, I respond, sagely. You wade into battle using threats. And, keep in mind, the small victories are worth it.

My parents bought riding toys when I was living in a 2nd story, 2BR apartment. I told them they would have to keep the riding toys at their house, or I would have to throw them away. They bought Bug another pair of sandals. I told Bug to leave them at Grandma's or he would have to throw his other pair away.

Chi Monsters eat clutter!

I'm evil like that, but it works. Establish the fact that you have no room for stuff, then viciously throw out anything that threatens your sacred space balance.

And remember, chi doesn't like clutter either.

Pagan Parenting: The personality effect

Another piece done about three years ago:

Little adults? Not so much...

Many parenting techniques seem to focus on getting children to behave the way that adults want them to behave. This does not often take into account the child's development or the child's personality. Child development works with the biological development of the brain, and emphasizes how the brain can and cannot perform at a certain age. Developmental psychology and attachment parenting are good places to start in learning about this aspect.

Today, however, I am focusing on the aspects of the child's personality, which can be broken into two segments: astrological/elemental and past life carry-over.

By taking into account your child's astrological and elemental aspects, you take into account the foundations of your child's personality. By understanding what motivates your child's behavior, you can encourage positive behavior and discourage negative behavior. (I will be talking in the more general elemental aspects regarding astrology; that is, fire = ares, leo & sagitarius, earth = taurus, virgo & capricorn, air = gemini, libra & aquarius, and water = cancer, scorpio & pisces.)

I am Scorpio... FEAR ME!!

For example, air children will want more explanations, appealing to their logic, while water signs have more emotional motivations. So you would tell an air sign that they should pick up their toys so they can find things more easily, but water signs will pick up their toys to make mom and dad happy. Any basic astrology book or website will give you insight into your child's sun sign motivations, but I recommend finding out the rising/ascendent sign and reading up on that as well. The sun and rising signs will be the most important ones in understanding how your child "works." The moon sign, meanwhile, will help you understand the emotional reactions of your child. Needless to say, the more in depth you go with your child's natal chart, the better you will understand your unique little pagan.

The second aspect of personality that I am addressing today is the past life carry-over. This is the emotional memories that every person brings with them into their new lives. Anything you learn about your child's past lives will help unravel the mystery of his or her mind. By doing this, you can help your child get through the obsticles of past-life "baggage" and support them in discovering their purpose in this life. This will help make the child's life more complete and fulfilling.

The Doctor is In... You Will Be Assimilated

A pox on BOTH your chickens!

Vaccines are a tough topic. I have learned what I can about the situation and I'm still not sure. In fact, my deciding factor was the state law that requires children to be up-to-date on vaccinations. I have a personal issue regarding the chicken pox vaccine, but that's a whole different blog post.

When I saw this article, I was interested. Is this where we have come to in the medical industry? Is this a place we should be?

Given all the discussion on a centralized healthcare, I couldn't help but consider this: If they did centralize healthcare, would they be able to say what kinds of medical treatments were required? Could they literally take my choices away from me? And how far would that go?

That's right! You LISTEN when I TALK to you!
And don't EVEN give me that look...

Now, to be clear on a few things:

• I support centralized healthcare because I think that all people deserve to have access to what they need to live a reasonably healthy life.
• I chose my current healthcare provider because he listens to me. He gives me information but I make the choices about my own and my family's treatment.
• I don't think that the whole public school system concept was built on imposing what many people (including medical professionals) consider to be a controversial topic.

I mean, really! What if pediatricians announced that they would drop any patient that chose to breastfeed their baby "too long," or chose to utilize a family bed? I've heard of pediatricians becoming antagonistic and hostile over the parents' choice to circumcise or not.

That's right...
Me & this chicken are gonna box... er, POX!

Whatever happened to doctors providing advice and care and leaving the choices to the people? Why do doctors, and by extension the government, feel the need to hold my hand when I cross the street?

I am an adult. An intelligent, learn'ed adult. I can make an intelligent, thought-out decision for myself and my children. If I have a problem with the chicken pox vaccine, that's between me and the vaccine... The doctor can advise me and then get out of the way.

Pagan Parenting: Spiritual Responsibility

 This is a piece I wrote three years ago for a newsletter:

Don't bug me, I'm reading the
"newspaper"!

On the surface there doesn't seem to be much of a difference between parenting and pagan parenting. However, pagan parenting, like all spiritual-based parenting techniques, takes into account a larger picture than most parenting styles encompass. Pagan parenting or spiritual parenting takes into account the effects of, and on, the soul.

As I write this, I am reminded of two things. The first is my son's behavior this morning. He's two now, so you can imagine how much FUN he can be, and by fun I mean a royal pain. He doesn't like to leave in the morning, so getting to work on time (or even close to it) is virtually impossible. He's also getting potty trained right now, so I get to spend a lot of time cleaning up messes.

The thing is, I'm always getting advice from my own parents, often accompanied by information that I know is unsafe or a negative influence. If I say so, the response is something like "we did this and you're still alive". Okay, but I don't want my son to just survive, I want him to thrive! Big difference in result, not much difference in effort.

The second thing I'm reminded of is my decision. As a single mother, I had to think (for a whole five seconds) about whether to continue down the path of motherhood. I never wanted to be a parent, but when it happened, well, it was destined to be. But I refused to enter into this adventure lightly. I spent hours and hours thinking about my responsibilities to this new life I had created.

One of the big things I pondered was that I was making the choice, not my son. That makes his life my responsibility, that makes his growth and development my burden, or purpose. How he turns out is a direct result of how I embark on this journey. His soul is as much mine to care for as is his body. Talk about stress!

Yeah, I had some doubts as to whether I could handle that kind of responsibility. But I had an advantage over my own and many other parents - I know what my purpose, my responsibility, to my son includes. Heck, I even have a vague idea of how I can live up to this responsibility.

Internet research...
become an expert on ANYTHING!

So, I spent the next 10 months (yeah, he was twice-baked) doing research. Number one subject was child development information. In other words, if I expect certain behavior from my son, is it age-appropriate, or will I just end up punishing him for behaving the way he is built to behave?

Seems like a no-big-deal kind of thing, right? Well, what happens when someone tells you that you are too loud, too happy, too shy, etc.? Aren't they punishing you for being you? Is that fair of them? How does it make you feel? Wouldn't it be nice if they just accepted you for you? Don't your children deserve the same?

Number two subject was psychological development, beyond the norm. It's called trans-personal psychology. It explains what the difference is between being functional in life and being one of the greats. If I can help my child achieve that level of self-confidence and generosity of heart, why wouldn't I?

Number three subject was more of an introspection. Taking all of the information that I had learned, I applied it to my own beliefs on spirituality.Then I had to try to figure out how to pass on my beliefs to my son while keeping the spirit of his psychological and mental development. Fortunately, they mesh well together into a single concept: RESPECT.

So, I'm on my journey, teaching my son to respect others, respect the earth, and respect the devine as an individual and within others. Meanwhile, I am also teaching him to respect himself (a hallmark of a healthy self-esteem) by respecting him from birth.

This doesn't mean that he gets away with everything or runs the show. But I do listen to him and explain to him (in age-appropriate language and concepts) why he doesn't get his way. I also keep in mind that he deserves to be treated with a certain amount of honor, as well as respect. I wouldn't spank my friend, or even an unliked co-worker, for doing something "wrong", so why would I spank my son? I teach him that we use towels and cloth diapers so we don't have so much trash. I explain to him that daycare is where he needs to go so that I can go to work (and I HAVE to go to work!).

These are some of my choices. I recommend that each parent or parent-to-be get educated on different parenting techniques. There are so many good ideas in virtually all parenting styles. And the more you know about how things can be done, the better you can decide what should be done. And really, that's the only thing a parent really can do.

To Mock a Killed Bird: What's Going On?

Protect the children,
THAT is the Law.

With all the crapolla going on in the news (mothers killing their children, little boys being shot by their father-figures), you would think that my disgust-reactions would be pointed steadily outward, towards the great big evil scary world. But no...

The other day, I was horrified by the behavior of children under my own supervision.

I watch a couple of boys for one of my co-workers. It works out fine for us, since they bracket my son by age and therefore all keep each other out of my hair for the most part. Having them is very little extra work to help out a fellow parent in need.

Ugly, yes; but hardly a
threat to humanity...

Then they got excited about a bird.

A small bird, just barely too young to fly, had fallen out of the nest in the spruce tree in the backyard where the boys were playing. They very excitedly came in and told me all about it. I told them, great, but don't touch it.

About ten minutes later, the boys straggled in with a tale of horror straight out of Poe's Collected Works. The oldest (not my son) had taken the toy bubble-mower and used it to kill the bird, spilling it's little birdy-guts all over the sidewalk. (Sidenote: EW!)

Exhibit A: the murder weapon.

I couldn't believe my ears. They were excited to see what was inside the bird; and while I can appreciate such love of knowledge, I had to make it clear that their methods were closer to that of Dr. Mengle and not something that I could approve of or condone.

Now, being a follower of Kali and a carnivore to boot, I understand and appreciate the cycle of life and death, as well as the necessity of killing for food and safety.

But this was neither and kind of frightening, besides. After all, serial killers and sociopaths tend to have that childhood warning sign: killing/torturing small animals. (BTW, I did a little Google-type digging and found this, this, and this on the subject.)

When kids go bad... it's never pretty!

Now, having dealt with the situation as best as I could (I think I did fairly well, making it clear how I felt, that such behavior was not acceptable, but not calling them "bad") and looking back at it, it's more frustrating then anything else.

I am trying to teach my children the (sometimes conflicting) duel morality of compassion and natural death cycles. It's easy to say that all killing is wrong, but I don't believe that. I will kill to protect my family, through safety or food.

So I have to figure out how to get my children to understand the qualifiers, not just the basic message, an understandably difficult line for them to walk. But that's what make Pagan Parents a whole 'nother breed.

The Dark Side of Parenting: Get Your Own Damn Cookies!

This morning, I was watching the news on the fallout of the Casey Anthony acquittal on the Today Show. One of the guest experts talked about how this trial touched so many because it was the "dark side" of parenting. Naturally, that caught my attention.

The dark side of parenting, in my definition, is the nasty-mean thoughts and SMALL actions that happen when parents get to the end of their rope. Like saying mean things that you would never otherwise say. Like slamming the door to the kids' bedroom so you don't have to keep looking at their whiny little faces or hearing their whiny little voices. Like plotting to duct tape them upside-down in their closets until they've gotten through puberty.

Then I thought about it. (Hey, I'm an air sign... thinking is what I do.)

There can be quite a fine line between plotting a duct tape incarceration and actually doing it. A little loss of control can have huge consequences.

Yeah, she's just the picture of
a little demon child...

But is that what really happened here? Did this little girl drive her mother out of control to the point of killing?

Maybe. But that isn't what I ever had a problem with.

Crap happens. People lose control. Accidents can lead to death and worse. That is the dark side of parenting. Well, ONE of the dark sides of parenting.

No, not THAT mama grizzly. Ack!

The other dark side of parenting is the mama grizzly. That part of you that envisions ripping a pedophile limb from limb because they glanced at your child. The part of you that would cross over into whatever afterlife there is to keep your child healthy. The part of you that would rip the throat out of anyone who threatens the life and well-being of your child. The part of you that would destroy death himself should he approach too soon.

Yeah, he got too close to my kid...
You got a problem with that?

Those are what I consider the dark side of a relatively healthy parent. Dirty dancing with other chicks while your child lies dead in the woods where you put her? Not so much.

Now, I do agree with the jury in one sense. There wasn't enough solid evidence to show that it was anything other than an accidental death. That is my opinion on the legal issue.

"Don't judge me...I heard a wake
is like, a big party!"

As for the moral issue? I say give her five years... of a slow torturous death, just for being a selfish bitch and going out partying when she should have been acknowledging the death of her child.

That's not any "dark side of parenting," that is just plain fucked up.