Summary of a Workshop: The Intersection of Magic and Consent

 I gave a workshop (three actually) at the 2015 Heartland Pagan Festival. It was a great experience, and eye-opening in many ways. I formatted my workshops as discussions (yes, all of them), and each of them went in a different direction than I had predicted. But it was wonderful!

I am attempting here to summarize, with a bit of additional commentary, what the discussion ended up being for my workshop: The Intersection of Magic and Consent. Feel free to use the questions posed here for your journaling, or respond to specific questions in the comments below.


I'd like to start by being specific about the purpose of this workshop. I don't believe that the Pagan community has finished the discussion about consent in regards to magic and energy work. I'm not here to say whether some things are right or wrong. I'd much rather talk about the things that should be considered.

There are a few ways in which magic and energy can conflict with a person's consent. I'd like to open the discussion with a question: how many of you have had a situation where someone did a spell or energy work on you or for you, and that made you feel like there was some violation of your body or energy, or that your voice was ignored?

There is one type of energy work that I believe always requires consent. That is any type that requires an invasion of body space. If there is touching involved, does the intent of the magic trump the person's right to not be touched?

I don't think it does, simply because it isn't just an energy work at that point. We see a lot of people in the community who violate body space without asking simply because they are "healers". What ways have you seen this happen? How do you deal with this invasion of body?

Now I'd like to get really deep into this. I want you to think for a moment of a time when you may have done this to someone else. I want you to think about why you felt that it was okay, since I'm assuming you never intended to overstep.

What are your perceptions of this? How does this perspective change how you feel about people who might overstep boundaries with you? How does it change how you might approach them about this?

As a parent, I have (and still do) often use a variety of energy work on my children. I used calming energies on them as infants and toddlers, and I use healing energy on them when they are sick or injured. I do the same with my husband. I don't often specifically ask for their permission in doing this, it is just a part of other care-taking activities, such as holding/hugging, applying creams and medicines, etc.

How does this fall into the magic and consent ideology? Do you have a line about who these things can be done to? Or what types of energy you will use on people?

The most interesting thing about this topic is that it resists being a black&white issue. It is an ethical discussion with many shades and variations. The best way to explore this topic is to discuss the various beliefs and lines-in-the-sand, without being judgmental.

I will leave you with a final word: If someone specifically places a boundary for the use of magic or energy work on them, do not ignore their wishes. Refusing to allow someone energetic-body autonomy is a true violation of consent.

The Dark Side of Parenting: Get Your Own Damn Cookies!

This morning, I was watching the news on the fallout of the Casey Anthony acquittal on the Today Show. One of the guest experts talked about how this trial touched so many because it was the "dark side" of parenting. Naturally, that caught my attention.

The dark side of parenting, in my definition, is the nasty-mean thoughts and SMALL actions that happen when parents get to the end of their rope. Like saying mean things that you would never otherwise say. Like slamming the door to the kids' bedroom so you don't have to keep looking at their whiny little faces or hearing their whiny little voices. Like plotting to duct tape them upside-down in their closets until they've gotten through puberty.

Then I thought about it. (Hey, I'm an air sign... thinking is what I do.)

There can be quite a fine line between plotting a duct tape incarceration and actually doing it. A little loss of control can have huge consequences.

Yeah, she's just the picture of
a little demon child...

But is that what really happened here? Did this little girl drive her mother out of control to the point of killing?

Maybe. But that isn't what I ever had a problem with.

Crap happens. People lose control. Accidents can lead to death and worse. That is the dark side of parenting. Well, ONE of the dark sides of parenting.

No, not THAT mama grizzly. Ack!

The other dark side of parenting is the mama grizzly. That part of you that envisions ripping a pedophile limb from limb because they glanced at your child. The part of you that would cross over into whatever afterlife there is to keep your child healthy. The part of you that would rip the throat out of anyone who threatens the life and well-being of your child. The part of you that would destroy death himself should he approach too soon.

Yeah, he got too close to my kid...
You got a problem with that?

Those are what I consider the dark side of a relatively healthy parent. Dirty dancing with other chicks while your child lies dead in the woods where you put her? Not so much.

Now, I do agree with the jury in one sense. There wasn't enough solid evidence to show that it was anything other than an accidental death. That is my opinion on the legal issue.

"Don't judge me...I heard a wake
is like, a big party!"

As for the moral issue? I say give her five years... of a slow torturous death, just for being a selfish bitch and going out partying when she should have been acknowledging the death of her child.

That's not any "dark side of parenting," that is just plain fucked up.