Summary of a Workshop: Introversion and Energy

 I gave a workshop (three actually) at the 2015 Heartland Pagan Festival. It was a great experience, and eye-opening in many ways. I formatted my workshops as discussions (yes, all of them), and each of them went in a different direction than I had predicted. But it was wonderful!

I am attempting here to summarize, with a bit of additional commentary, what the discussion ended up being for my workshop: Introverts and Energy

I would like to start out by introducing myself. I am an introvert. I have horrible stage fright that I have been working on since I was 15. Which is only ironic if you meet me one-on-one first, cuz I'm really open and funny until there's a bunch of strange people staring at me.

Now, just to make sure that all of us are on the same page to start, I'm going to review some definitions.
Extroverts are over 50% of the human population. Extroverts aren't necessarily talkative. They simply get energy from action: involvment in events, interacting with other people, moving. Because of this, they tend to be more social and outgoing. Their behavior supports getting more energy.

Introverts are around half the population, except in the U.S., where they are closer to 1/3 of the population. Introverts aren't necessarily shy. They get energy from having time, usually alone, to think and be inside their own heads. This, BTW, includes one-on-one and tiny group discussions that cover deep topics. Introverts tend to be more withdrawn and solitary. Again, behavior supporting how the person gets more energy.

Now introversion/extroversion is a spectrum in behavior, but it is more divided when you look only at the energy matter. So think about how you feel in large groups with small talk vs how you feel when sitting alone and thinking. Which gives you more energy? Which do you identify with?

When you are put in a position of not being able to recharge, your mood and behavior changes. You may get grumpy, tense, angry, frustrated, anxious, sad or several of those at once. Your behavior may show you to be flustered or unfocused. You may retreat more and more, finding a measure of comfort along walls or nestled into a corner, or by blocking out movement or sound from others. Consider how your behavior changes when you are unable to escape a crowd.

For obvious reasons, a large group of people in a designated space, such as the Heartland Festival, can be empowering for extroverts. There are tons of new people to meet and talk to, workshops to speak up at, loud music, large groups... So, it can also be intimidating for introverts. At Heartland, we have various sacred spaces that are usually empty and isolated, where we can go to meditate and refresh ourselves.
What are some of the ways that you use this environment to recharge?

Now, conventions are a whole 'nother story. Conventions often have more limited, often indoor space, which makes it harder for us to get away from the crowds, which also makes it harder for us to meaningfully interact with new people.

So, what would you consider to be the most important obstacle to fully experiencing a festival or convention as an Introvert?

Summary of a Workshop: The Intersection of Magic and Consent

 I gave a workshop (three actually) at the 2015 Heartland Pagan Festival. It was a great experience, and eye-opening in many ways. I formatted my workshops as discussions (yes, all of them), and each of them went in a different direction than I had predicted. But it was wonderful!

I am attempting here to summarize, with a bit of additional commentary, what the discussion ended up being for my workshop: The Intersection of Magic and Consent. Feel free to use the questions posed here for your journaling, or respond to specific questions in the comments below.


I'd like to start by being specific about the purpose of this workshop. I don't believe that the Pagan community has finished the discussion about consent in regards to magic and energy work. I'm not here to say whether some things are right or wrong. I'd much rather talk about the things that should be considered.

There are a few ways in which magic and energy can conflict with a person's consent. I'd like to open the discussion with a question: how many of you have had a situation where someone did a spell or energy work on you or for you, and that made you feel like there was some violation of your body or energy, or that your voice was ignored?

There is one type of energy work that I believe always requires consent. That is any type that requires an invasion of body space. If there is touching involved, does the intent of the magic trump the person's right to not be touched?

I don't think it does, simply because it isn't just an energy work at that point. We see a lot of people in the community who violate body space without asking simply because they are "healers". What ways have you seen this happen? How do you deal with this invasion of body?

Now I'd like to get really deep into this. I want you to think for a moment of a time when you may have done this to someone else. I want you to think about why you felt that it was okay, since I'm assuming you never intended to overstep.

What are your perceptions of this? How does this perspective change how you feel about people who might overstep boundaries with you? How does it change how you might approach them about this?

As a parent, I have (and still do) often use a variety of energy work on my children. I used calming energies on them as infants and toddlers, and I use healing energy on them when they are sick or injured. I do the same with my husband. I don't often specifically ask for their permission in doing this, it is just a part of other care-taking activities, such as holding/hugging, applying creams and medicines, etc.

How does this fall into the magic and consent ideology? Do you have a line about who these things can be done to? Or what types of energy you will use on people?

The most interesting thing about this topic is that it resists being a black&white issue. It is an ethical discussion with many shades and variations. The best way to explore this topic is to discuss the various beliefs and lines-in-the-sand, without being judgmental.

I will leave you with a final word: If someone specifically places a boundary for the use of magic or energy work on them, do not ignore their wishes. Refusing to allow someone energetic-body autonomy is a true violation of consent.

Summary of a Workshop: Embracing the Dark

 I gave a workshop (three actually) at the 2015 Heartland Pagan Festival. It was a great experience (check out my friend, Molly's blog here) and eye-opening in many ways. I formatted my workshops as discussions (yes, all of them), and each of them went in a different direction than I had predicted. But it was wonderful!

I am attempting here to summarize, with a bit of additional commentary, what the discussion ended up being for my workshop: Embracing the Dark

The Dark

Close your eyes and picture yourself in a bright, sunny place. See the brightness around you.

Now turn around in your mind. You now find yourself in a dark place. There is just enough light to see shapes, but otherwise it is dark.

Think about the differences in how you felt about each location. Think about the emotions and the level of comfort in each place. Most people see the dark as restful, while the light is energetic. Fear or concern is also common in the dark place.

Most people know about sun-bleaching, where you leave something in the sun and the color fades out of it. The reason this happens is because the sunlight actually destroys compounds and sterilizes. On the other hand, life thrives in darkness, even if that life is gooy and icky. Photosynthesis is a balance of using radiant energy without being destroyed by it. Skin color is a protection from light.

This doesn't mean that light is bad, any more than dark is bad. Our defense against light provides us with nutrients. Light allows us to see and sunlight provides food and warmth so that we can function during the day in ways we can't at night. But the night provides many opportunities for us to challenge ourselves and grow.

And the night isn't just the time when the sun goes down. Think about times in your life when you've been sad or stressed. Do your memories change with those moods? Mine do. I have periods of time in my life when I've been unhappy, or just passively going through my life. One of those times, I was pregnant and just getting the stuff done that needed done. Memories of those times have very little light. I think that reflects the darkness and restfulness of that time.

Nighttime is often where we have huddled together against the animals and elements that would do us harm. More important types of questing, such as rites of adulthood, have often involved being away from the tribe or village overnight. It isn't about proving that you could find food. These quests were usually only a few days long, not long enough to starve. It was about facing the dark

Fear

What is it that the dark holds which challenges us so much that we have used it for proving spiritual and physical maturity?

I think the dark holds fear.

The Dark of the Year holds the fear that we will never see the Spring again. Spring brings food and warmth, the ability to travel with less danger, and even brightness and joy of spirit. The Dark of the Year causes us to constrict and enfold ourselves and our kith and kin into a ball of protection.

In the movie, The Croods, they call it the Family Kill Circle, which they would form if someone even said the word "NEW". They were so afraid of new things, they would try to destroy something new before they could learn about it, but also before it had a chance to kill them.

The Dark Goddesses hold fear, too. Kali, Hel, Tiamet, Baba Yaga, Sheila na Gig - Goddesses of death, destruction, blood, disease and pain. But blood, disease and pain are closely related to death and destruction. And death and destruction are different words for something really new (Family Kill Circle): transformation.

Transformation. That's another thing the dark holds. We just don't like the idea of transformations that are out of our control, which is how all really good transformations work. We don't control the way we transform, how much we transform, or what we transform into. We have to let go and hope that the ooey gooey stuff in the deep dark cave will give us a miraculous new life-form, and isn't going to give us a disease.

Monsters

I call the fears in the dark of my mind my monster. It is the nemesis to my ego's hero, and it knows where the kryptonite is. The green AND the red (for you Superman fans, out there).It can cripple with fear or break with anger, and it doesn't even break a sweat to do it.

There are a lot of common themes in people's monsters, in the things that they fear. One that often trips people up in understanding is the fear of success. Yes, I mean that people are afraid of being successful in something. This fear isn't about the actual success itself. It's about the things that come with having success.

For example, if you successfully pull off a presentation or workshop, you are probably going to be expected to do it again. Just as well. Holy fish sticks, batman, that's a lot of pressure, particularly if you tend to be creatively inspired and pull stuff out of your ass. What if you can't pull anything next time?!?

Or what if you get your book published? And you never get another book or story published EVER?!? The only thing worse than failure is pity for being a one-hit wonder of success. You would be the child star who grew out of their talent. That's a pretty intimidating fear.

I just read an article that beautifully describes the fear of success that I suffer from. The fraud fear. The author says:

"I feel bad about people paying for my work because I think that the people who buy and even those who appreciate my work are somehow being duped. I keep feeling that at some point I am going to be found out to be an imposter.  I feel bad when my work is considered valuable."

 In trying to explain my own feelings of this, I posted this: "I feel this way about writing and workshops. Like suddenly everyone is just gonna turn around and be like "gotcha! your stuff really sucks!" "

I sometimes think he
underestimates the "try".

The thing is, fear of failure makes sense. And it is common to have a fear of failure. But fear of success is just weird, and yet so, so often it goes hand-in-hand with fear of failure. That's why there are so many people who talk about doing, but never do. You have to face down that monster and move past it so that you can even try.
 

Facing the Monster

Probably the most common question I get about facing the monster is "How do you do it?" Unfortunately, there is no template for this. Each person is unique, with unique experiences, perceptions and variations on fears. The form and function of your monster is different from the form and function of mine. The way you handle your monster depends on that, as well as the path that you are on.

The point is that there are so many variables, I could never get it right dealing with someone else's monster. I can only figure out my own. However, I can tell you some ways to prepare for it, and for finding your monster.

First, you have to do the dirty work. Hunt down your flaws, wherever they may be. I started by investigating my natal zodiac and looking at the negative aspects of those signs. I picked them apart until I was sure that I understood each one within my own life... than I went through them again and again. Then I found other things to hint at my flaws: the Meyers-Briggs and other personality tests, workplace evaluations, even minor complaints from friends and family about certain of my actions.

I strove to be radically honest, but not brutally honest; I wasn't trying to judge myself or beat myself up over these things. I wasn't a judicial authority passing a sentence or laying down a conviction. I wasn't even a lawyer, making a case for or against my flaws. I was nothing more than the crime scene investigator, collecting evidence and analyzing it for the data. I made a list. Nothing more.

After a while, I stopped having to fight to see my negatives objectively. I could look at my flaws and say "well, there it is". This took a long time; more that a year.

I think I made
a wrong turn at Albuquerque...

Than, one day, I was meditating. We were supposed to go into a cave and meet someone who would help us learn a lesson, or something like that. I promptly fell into a pitch black abyss and was suddenly being hunted by my monster. Once I realized what it was, the fear left me. I'd gotten used to looking at the evidence of this monster without judgment, to searching for evidence of the monster without flinching. I turned and faced my monster.

Some monsters end up
being these guys...

In a way, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, and yet it wasn't particularly difficult. It was the doing that was hard, not the it. I'm reminded of the movie, Monsters Inc, where the monsters are terrified of touching a child. It's the fears of what could happen that is the problem, not the children themselves.

The hardest part

I wish I could say that I faced my monster, destroyed it and that was the end. But this is not a movie or a quest. This is a journey, and the monster is not the destination. My monster changes and grows, and I face it down every once in a while. This is because I am still living and, to a degree, that means there's always something to fear, negative behaviors to fall back on, stressors that trigger the growth of a head on my monster. But it's never as daunting as it was the first time. Still hard, but not daunting.

I know that it is time to go back when I see my life becoming stagnant. I stop conquering obstacles and start sitting by the wayside. I start behaving in ways that frightens or intimidates people, or I let people walk over my boundaries. I stop being awesome-ish and start being eh-ish.

And that's the point of life, I think. To be more often awesome-ish.