Big Brother is Watching You, and He's got a SCALE!

It is the nightmare of every parent: Someone, somewhere, thinks you aren't a good enough parent to your children; and they have the authority to take them away from you.

It was kinda like this;
I should have called "Clean House"!

I ran into this issue myself several years ago when, as a single parent of a mobile toddler, CPS was called because my house wasn't clean enough. I had stacks of books and piles of toys, loads of (clean) laundry, and empty cardboard boxes that needed taken out. Nothing that would scream "FILTH!", but it definitely shouted "CLUTTER!" Fortunately for me, the police officer was rather understanding about it... and the situation gave me the "freedom" to take a sick day and clean up. After all, POLICE were involved.

A recent news story has caught my eye: Should parents lose custody of super obese kids? Really? I must read this.

People seem to think that having
food like this available for pennies
could not possibly contribute to
the obesity crisis... Hmmm.

It turns out a doctor has decided that people who have too little money, education, or physical health/ability to help their kids stay at a "good" weight should lose their children to foster care until a healthy weight is achieved.


Now, I've been a non-healthy weight for 20+ years, so: Mom, sorry; I think this means you suck at parenting. (Note: this is sarcasm; Mom, do NOT take this as anything but a joke.)


Oh, wait a second. My parents are average American parents. My brother doesn't have a weight problem (unless you count his struggles to get to the gym for several hours EVERY DAY; he may be an addict). My parents are a little overweight themselves and are prone to the Weight Watchers yo-yo (on again, off again). So would they even fall under this condition?


If so, based on the obesity crisis, every non-anorexic child in America may end up in the foster care system. What a way to spend our tax dollars - playing musical children... That doesn't EVEN touch on my oh-so-high opinion of the way our foster care system is run (rampent abuse of the system, the children, the social workers, the parents - EVERYONE gets screwed on that one).

Water-soup again, kids...

But if not, doesn't that mean that this is an issue directed at poverty-level families? Which means it is almost a racial issue, definitely a healthcare issue, and possibly an issue that will be exacerbated by the political leanings of the current teabagging idjits that are delaying the debt issue right now? And if the cuts they make exacerbate this problem, and more people end up falling into this category, wouldn't that mean a HUGE burden on the foster care system (already overburdened) and on our already-stretched-too-thin tax dollars?

Wait! Kids can GROW things?!?!?
Whoa...

Maybe it would just be cheaper/easier to fix the dietary crapolla that is the school lunch system. I'm a big fan of the school garden concept; teach kids to grow and then prepare FRESH HEALTHY foods, for pennies.

Just my two pennies...

Swimming with the Fishes: Tales of the Tickle Shark

Today, I went swimming. And it was a glorious thing.

Bug is the one on the left...

Nevermind that the water was over chlorinated, the room was unventilated, the kids were in need of micro-management, and there were bat-like shrieks reverberating through the room.

As an air sign, I am a born-in-the-water fish. (I know, but it makes sense on some level.) I love the weightlessness and the fact that I can just dive in and enjoy myself.

Today, we had bug, ladybug and the bug-cousin in the pool with us. Ladybug, at 14 mo, was decked out in a floaty-suit. She was totally WTF at first, but she relaxed after a while and enjoyed being hauled around the pool area by Stormcrow. We played a little bit of "Pass the Baby," passing her back and forth between us. And we practiced a little bit of a backfloat.

"Mommy said she'd be right back...
that was half an hour ago..."

The boys, bug and bug-cousin, are 18 days apart. Bug-cousin just turned 5 yo and bug is 4 days away from that mark. We are going to the zoo tomorrow.

I got to be the Tickle Shark. I would swim up to the bug-boys and tickle them while they made their way around the pool. The pool was nice in that it was 3 foot for most of it, and 4 foot only in the middle. But there was a ledge around the edge of the "deep" part so the boys could maneuver through most of it without issue.

I, the Tickle Shark, caught bug several times, at which point he would shriek in delight and attempt to scratch his way to freedom. Bug-cousin (who may be slightly competitive) taunted me that I "couldn't catch him." I proved him wrong, catching him several times.

Adult-type persons...
Comforting, isn't it?

Swimming with kids is a pain in the butt, if you are alone, but when there are more than one adult-type persons, it can be a great way to run off the excess sugar. Not that I would EVER feed the boys slushy floats... Ever.

Tomorrow we shall be doing more sugar and running amok in the zoo. Looks like the monkeys will have some entertainment tomorrow... Woot!

All's Fair in Love and Parenting

Children are hell on their parents' relationship.

Today, I read about how the number of people choosing to be childless is going up and up, and more couples with children are regretting having them, claiming less happiness in their marriages, and even getting divorced because of the kids.

I was feeling a bit proud of myself, because despite this, I'm pretty happy with my life and my relationship.

Not that we don't have these moments...

Then, a coworker told me that she usually fights with her husband every time they go on a trip or plan to have visitors. And I thought, we don't fight like that.

She said it was because they both expect the other person to do things and get upset when it doesn't get done.

I tell Stormcrow exactly what I expect all the time. I do not expect him to know what I want... If I want it, I say so.

What does that say about me as a pagan, a parent and a woman?

Well, it says that I know myself. It says that I'm not under the impression that I am or should be a second-class citizen. I don't expect to be taken care of, child-like, by someone who "knows better." I have courage to be who I am, without hedging that based on what other people think I should be. I don't have to compromise myself. I can lead without all the whiny, manipulative games that seem so prevalent in our society.

But the thing that makes me most happy about this, is that my daughter will have a strong female role-model. My son will see woman through a filter of his experience with me.

If my children become able to accept females as being just as capable of leading the family unit, if they learn to see strong women as being as normal as strong men, if they gain the experience of a male-figure who doesn't depend on his ability to control to be the source of his manliness, then I will have accomplished so much more than I had ever dared to hope.

Oh, and na na-na na-na naaaa! I have a better relationship than my coworker...

Cat say Pfftt!

Yeah, I went there, too.

The Power is Mine (and Yours)!

This evening, at supper (honey chicken, stuffing and honey-cinnamon roasted radishes!), bug informed me that he could use his x-ray eyes to see that ladybug had a broken heart. To fix it, he offered to give her some of his heart-healing power, which he did by holding his hand over her chest and making a laser-y, swish-y noise.

Fear my powers of cuteness and latex!

I, being the on-the-ball, pagan parent who takes advantage of every learning opportunity, jumped on that wave and surfed it.

So, I told bug that that was called "energy transfer," which, as I expected (this isn't my first rodeo, after all), got him curious. He asked about it and we talked about how people can give each other some of their power, or energy, and how that can help people do things, or change how they feel, or heal.

Strangely,  bug looks just like this after 6 candy bars.

Then I showed bug how I give energy, and he giggled a lot. Stormcrow showed bug how he could siphon energy off people.

Then, reality crashed down: "THAT's all the power you have, mama?" Talk about a blow to the ego...

We talked about how not many people believe in powers and how that keeps us from being able to have bigger powers.

Do I think he got it? Kinda-ish.

Now you know; and knowing... Hey! I'm not in G.I.Joe!

But it's a good start, if I do say so myself.

Daycare Woes and Bloodshed

I like my daycare, make no mistake about that. They are nice, with lots of kids for my children to play with, and decent meals served three times a day (plus snacks).

But I sometimes want to smack them. Particularly the helpers.Now, I'm sure they are nice enough people, but sometimes they do something that sets my blood boiling.

Usually, it is something like talking to my son like he's a two-year-old idiot or a fourteen-year-old pain-in-the-butt. Since he's a four-year-old pickle (ie, normal, rambunctious pre-schooler), that really pisses me off.

Now, I understand that the boy-child can rub anyone the wrong way after a handful of hours. He is loud, persistent, demanding, and rather whiny. But when someone starts telling him that they don't expect him to have a "good attitude" or "good behavior" from the minute he arrives, I just want to slap some fear of the Mother Goddess into them.

Big knife, dead body... end of story

Seriously... Kali... Dark Mother... She'll smack you into next week, just to get your attention!

So, in the words of Stormcrow: "back up offa my baby, muh-fuh, or I WILL cut you!"

Bugging over Church

My mother likes to take the kids to church. She knows I'm pagan; she knows we are raising the kids in the pagan beliefs.

Now this is more like it...

Now, it isn't the church part that bugs me. It's the way she behaves towards the kids regarding church. She expects the almost 5 year old to sit quietly for an hour.

Seriously?!? Have you MET my kids? There is no quiet; there is no sitting. I can barely get them through sitting at the table for supper. And they have something to do in that situation. But just sit there and listen for an hour? I don't THINK so...

I love babies... when they are asleep!

I'm sure that my mother's heart is in the right place. However, expecting such unrealistic behavior is just silly. And she gets mad and PUNISHES them for misbehaving and (wait for it) embarrassing her. (She should read this.) Just to get this out there, my mother has a very low threshold for embarrassment... the drop of a hat will make her feel looked at and ashamed. It might drive me a bit nuts.

I told her she shouldn't punish them for not behaving in a way they are not expected to behave any other time. I told her she may want to EXPLAIN in DETAIL what is expected of them when they are in church. I also told her it may be ridiculous to expect kids that young to behave the way she wants them to in church (and this isn't something that is only with my kids either... see?).

Her reaction? "You don't want me to take the kids to church because you don't believe in it."

What?

He's quiet cuz she threatened to tell His Father!

Yeah, there's a bit of a point to that, but just a wee-bitty-bit. I let my kids learn about all religions and experience whatever religious experiences they show an interest in. I don't care if they go to Sunday school, church, synagogue, temple, whatever. I draw the line at forcing them to do something they are not ready for (such as, wait for it, sitting quietly for an hour being talked at), or anything that I see as mental/emotional manipulation. But I have nothing against the Christian/Catholic beliefs... I just don't agree with them.

I also think that the (fairly modern) belief that young children should go to church is ridiculous. As late as the 30s and 40s, many churches expected any child under about age 6 to stay home... BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T SIT STILL!!!

"Hey, this is important for your spiritual development."

"I wanna play!!"

And you certainly shouldn't PUNISH someone for not being able to meet expectations that are, at least, uncommon skills for that person's capabilities. That would be like telling me to run a mile - like run for a whole mile - and getting mad at me cuz I'm a fat girl and passed out after 3/4 of a mile. It's just not right, ya know?

No Longer the Single Parent: Getting a Houseboy, or How to Keep a Home Clean with a Preschooler

Ok. The title is a joke. It's meant to be funny.

Not because I use the term "houseboy," but because anyone with a preschooler knows, there is no keeping the house clean.

Wow, it's been about 3 months since I made the decision. I decided to get back together with the father of my youngest (almost a 6 mo). He moved in within a few weeks and I began the way I always begin - with complete honesty.

I said, "Honey, I'm a demanding bitch. But you will always know where you stand."

I think he thought I was joking. Or at least exaggerating.

Nope.

So now I have a full grown man to chase my son, watch my daughter, clean house and cook meals. I know, right? I've got it made in the shade.

Well, except he doesn't know much about raising kids, cleaning house or cooking.

I get mad sometimes, frustrated often, and I praise him whenever he does good work. For example, I told him that dinner tonight (baked chicken, mixed veggies and stuffing) was wonderful. And it was.

However, three hours ago, I looked up how to cook a chicken cuz he put it in the oven at the temp he thought it should be and for the time he guessed was right. B'gak!!

Two days ago, I gave him the eyebrow (left eyebrow raised in the WTF look) because he wanted to actually cook the stuffing inside the chicken. As in, put it in the raw bird. Something that nutritionists everywhere have warned against for decades, now.

I may have told him his idea was quaint... Or antiquated. I'm not sure which. I'm pretty sure I didn't call him names... Pretty sure...

I also remind him frequently that messes should be cleaned immediately unless you want stains. Skid marks don't belong on the toilet seat. And thou shalt not soak the cast iron in water with the wooden utensils. Gah!!

But all Mr. Mom-humor moments aside, he is totally invaluable to me. He likes to grind wheatberries and use the sifter to sift out flour for REAL whole wheat bread (which he loves to make - though I need to get him to understand that rising times are not just a kinda-suggestion).

He thought it was the greatest thing since (whole wheat) sliced bread when I bought, not one, but TWO meat grinders AND a shoulder roast for him to make ground beef. At this rate, his birthday gift is gonna be a breeze!

Oh, and he's super sweet, and cuddly too! (Though the bastard has lost more than 30 lbs since moving in... Grrrr! I've only lost about 5 lbs.) He makes me coffee in the morning while I take a shower and turns on the news for me. He makes lunch for me to take to work everyday. He has supper going when I get home. He brings in the mail every day. And he takes bug to the park (an event of epic proportions in and of itself).

So, all in all, I think we are a happier, more smoothly-running family because of him. And he's warm. He warms my butt at night.

What? You've never had a cold butt at night? It's a serious medical-ish condition.